Panic Attack
by CrimeShowTwinz13
Summary: Tag to Season 3 "Countdown": Richard Castle was not totally unaffected by his near-death experience with the dirty bomb. Taking the episode one step further, with added Hurt!Castle and whumpage. Some minor language. Enjoy!


Panic Attack

"Hell of a day, huh?"

"Hell of a day," Beckett agreed, shaking her head.

"Ya know… I was thinking…" Castle began, trailing off. Beckett raised her eyebrows expectantly. He glanced down at his hands, not knowing how to continue. He noticed that they were shaking, and shaking badly. To cover up this sign of weakness, he wrung his hands together as if in thought.

"… I was thinking maybe…" Castle's eyes gazed off in to the space behind Beckett. He subtly stiffened, his confidence and resolve fading quickly. He clasped his hands behind his back, hoping Beckett hadn't noticed them trembling.

"…I should go home, get some rest… long day," He plastered on a typical Castle smile, and turned on his heel to leave. "Good night."

Castle left quickly, before Beckett could say anything more. He needed to escape, from Beckett's questioning glances, from the confines of the precinct, from everything. A cold sweat nagged at his brow and a shiver ran down his spine. He shoved his hands in his pockets to hide their quaking from the officers around him.

'_Great, getting sick is just what I need right now… damn freezer,' _Castle thought to himself.

"Good night," Beckett replied to the retreating form of her partner. She was slightly confused at what Castle had said. She thought he was going to ask her to go out for a drink in celebration. Suddenly, her thoughts were halted, as a pair of strong arms enveloped her in a warm embrace.

"Ho-kay," she said as her hazel eyes met Josh's deep brown ones. A warm feeling tingled her stomach as a smile graced her lips. But a nagging feeling kept the smile from reaching her eyes. She had noticed the trembling of Castle's hands, and how he seemed to be a bit off since they finished the case. She never asked if he was okay. As she looked deeper into her boyfriend's eyes, she realized she had wanted to see Castle's brilliant blue eyes looking down at her instead of Josh's.

'_Stop thinking like that,'_ she chastised herself. A blush formed on her cheeks as her body betrayed her inner turmoil of emotions.

Josh pulled her deeper into his arms, burying his face into her wavy chestnut hair. Beckett returned the embrace, but her eyes followed Castle as he grudgingly strode towards the elevator.

Castle leaned against the cool metal of the elevator, sighing in defeat. He tilted his head back, as unwanted thoughts entered his usually optimistic mind.

'_She said good bye to me, and went to him.'_

'_She ran to him, and gave him a second chance.'_

'_She chose him.'_

He closed his eyes tight, trying to shut out the disparaging thoughts as another chill swept up and down his spine.

The elevator doors shut.

"This burger hit the spot!" Beckett mumbled through a mouthful of Remy's signature cheeseburger.

Josh grinned, a youthful glow glinting in the corner of his eyes. Beckett felt herself go a little weak in the knees.

'_I love it when he smiles like that, he looks like a kid in a candy store. Castle has a smile just like that…Castle… CASTLE!'_

Beckett jerked in her seat, realizing she had totally forgotten to check on him. The case was a hard one, and with everything they went through together, she should have made sure he was alright.

'_Oh, Castle…' _Beckett inwardly groaned at her oversight.

"Kate? What's wrong?"

Josh's voiced ripped her from her thoughts, pulling her back to Remy's Cafe, back to their corner booth, back to him.

"Josh! Oh, wait…um yeah! Everything is just fine. I realized that I, um, I have some last minute paperwork I forgot to finish before I left today. I really should go back and finish that. Montgomery will have my ass if I don't have those on his desk by 8 AM tomorrow morning."

Josh looked at her, not quite believing her sudden outburst.

"Umm alright Kate. Well, I will just call you later, okay babe? Maybe lunch tomorrow?" He asked quietly, dejection playing across his rugged features.

Kate managed a small smile, knowing her lie had done the trick.

"Sounds good, pick me up around noon-ish? I will be at the precinct."

"Bye…" Josh mumbled, glancing down at his now cold fries.

Kate jumped up, slung her leather jacket across her shoulders, and nearly ran from the café. She had one thought on her mind: Castle.

As she started the engine, fear twisted knots in her stomach. _I hope he's okay. I wonder if there is something more going on? He said he was fine. But, he seemed so out of it… _

Peeling into Manhattan traffic, Kate frantically dialed her partner's number, praying he would pick up.

Castle fumbled with his keys, his twitching hands keeping him from getting inside. Somehow he knew that comfort and solace lay just beyond the door.

Finally the lock turned, and he barreled through the doorframe. With a slight flick of the wrist, he chucked his keys onto the counter, while his trailing leg gave a half-hearted kick in an attempt to shut the door.

The first thing he noticed: he was alone. Alexis and Martha were out for the night, enjoying a new play that opened on Broadway just last week. Feeling the need for comfort, he opened the wine cellar and pulled out a bottle of red wine. As he turned to the kitchen for a glass, the bottle slipped from his clammy hands, shattering to pieces. He gazed mournfully at the white carpet as it slowly turned blood red.

In the next instant, his vision tunneled, and his breathing came in short, raspy huffs. Reaching his hands out, he clumsily wavered back and forth, searching for support. His head was foggy, his arms and legs tingling, his body swaying from the dizziness that enveloped his senses. At last, salvation: his hands came to rest on the countertop. For the moment he was stable. After a few deep breaths, the dizziness began to retreat, leaving his mind light and airy. Trusting his legs to carry him to the couch, he moved away from the counter. But the moment he removed his hand, his anchor to the supportive piece of furniture, his vision blurred, his mind went numb, and his body sank to the floor in a heap of tangled limbs.

_30…29…28…27…_

_The bomb continued on its ominous countdown as Castle looked on helplessly. _

"_Fallon!" Beckett screamed into the phone, fear evident in her voice. Fallon glanced at the phone and replied, "I can't see anything!"_

_Beckett's shocked expression mirrored Castle's. They both realized there was no one left to help them. They were on their own. _

"_I'm Sorry… I'm Sorry." managed Fallon, knowing all too well that this would not be the happy ending he wanted._

_16…15…14…13…_

"_Castle…" Beckett exclaimed, coming to the realization that today was the day she would die, never being able to tell Castle how she really felt._

_His eyes met hers, raw fear shining through. Castle reached for her hand, and they both held on tightly as the world as they knew it came to a close. _

'_So, this is the end,' he thought. But this isn't how their story was supposed to end; this wasn't how it was supposed to be! As the clock ticked down to its last seconds, Castle made a decision one would make only in the face of death._

_3…2…1…_

_Castle's arm shot out, latching on to the bunch of cords spilling out from the back of the bomb, and yanked them as hard as he could. He shut his eyes tight, waiting for the end to come. But it never did. Instinctively, his eyes flew open and they fell on the timer that now read 0. He dropped the cords and took a small step back, shock taking over. Beckett let out a small gasp, realizing how close to death she had really come._

'_Castle!' she cried, relief making her voice thick with emotion. Overjoyed, she threw her arms around Castle: her partner, her friend, her savior. _

A loud banging pierced his vivid flashback, pulling him back ever so slowly to reality.

"Castle!"

He shook his head to clear the cobwebs, unsure what was part of the flashback and what was real. He got to his feet slowly, stumbling towards the source of the sound. Not totally aware of his surroundings, his shoe caught on the edge of the carpet. For one fleeting moment he was airborne, and in the next, pain enveloped his upper body and a shattering sound pierced his ears. Everything went black.

Beckett pulled her car up outside Castle's apartment, fear worming its way into her gut. She rushed up the stairs two at a time, ignoring the elevator because it would take too long. Beckett reached his apartment in record time. Leaning over to catch her breath, she knocks on the hard black wood of Castle's door. No answer.

She leaned her ear to his door, hoping to catch a sound of movement inside to quell her ever-rising terror. Knocking louder this time, she wracked her brain for places he could possibly be if he wasn't home. Still no answer…it was just too quiet.

In one last attempt, she banged hard on the polished wood, and let an exasperated "Castle!" escape from her lips. She hated the way her voice cracked at the end. Suddenly, she heard someone within the apartment stumbling around, and then a sickening crash as glass shattered ominously.

'_Castle!' _she thought. _'No, no, no…'_

Trying the door, and noticing it was unlocked (this fact twisted her stomach further into knots), she rushed through the door. The only thing she could think of was Castle, making sure he was okay, making sure he was safe.

A gasp escaped her lips as she saw the still figure of Richard Castle lying in a heap on his floor, a growing pool of red surrounding his body.

Pain. The first thing he noticed was a sharp, stabbing, burning pain radiating up his forearms. A groan escaped his lips as his senses returned to him.

What happened?

Slowly, bits of memory returned.

_His hands shaking at the precinct. Hardly being able to make the drive home. Fumbling with his keys as he entered his apartment. Realizing he is alone, all alone._

_Red, red on his carpet…blood? No, wine. He dropped the wine bottle. _

_Memories. Flashbacks. The bomb. Kate. Almost dying. Kate. Fear. Helplessness. Pulling the wires from the bomb as the timer read 0. His name yelled from Beckett's lips as they realized they were alive. His name…why did he hear his name?_

Castle opened his eyes, painfully, slowly. He saw the legs of his coffee table and the space underneath the sofa. _'I should really clean under there,' _he thought fleetingly.

For the first time, he came to the realization that he was on the floor. Castle tried to push himself up onto his elbows. White-hot pain seared up his arms and he collapsed once again to the ground. Hands shot out to support him from out of nowhere, and gently lifted him up. His eyes followed the hands up to the face and started in surprise, not sure if the woman he was looking at was actually there, or a figment of his imagination. The touch felt so real…yet so had the ticking from the bomb, the feelings of helplessness.

The concerned hazel eyes of Detective Kate Beckett gazed down at him, assessing his level of pain and scrutinizing his every move.

"Castle, are you okay?"

Her voice pierced the dark recesses of the apartment.

"_A hallucination wouldn't talk to me like that,"_ he thought. _"Must be real," _he surmised.

Castle looked at her, embarrassment evident in his icy blue eyes.

"Fine. I'm fine," he replied gruffly.

"Fine my ass, Castle. You look like you just took a trip to Hell and back. Trust me, you are most definitely not fine."

The tension in Castle's body was evident; his shoulders were taught and his mouth was pressed firmly in a line. His eyes were red-rimmed, as if he hadn't slept in days, and they frantically searched the room for any signs of immediate danger. He was shaking violently, and shivered against an invisible chill.

Castle looked at her, and managed a small smile; a ghost of what was usually his megawatt grin. "Not fine? Why, Detective Beckett I am insulted. I consider myself to be looking quite stunning at the moment. I know you always liked me for my ruggedly handsome looks."

"Shut up, Castle. Now let me look at you."

Kate got up and turned on an overhead light, bathing the apartment in a pale yellow glow. She returned to Castle's side, intent on examining the cuts made by the shattered coffee table.

As she reached for his left arm, he jerked his arm away from her outstretched fingers. All he wanted at that moment was to be left alone to lick his wounds and recover from this horrible embarrassment.

Beckett raised her eyes questioningly, leaving Castle no choice but to let her study his arms. She gave him that "I'm-a-detective-so-don't-mess-with-me" look, and he knew any protestation would be in vain.

"Okay you can take a look, I guess," Castle grumbled, obviously not happy about it. As an afterthought, he added, "And there's a first aid kit under the sink in the kitchen."

Beckett got to her feet, and went in search of the first aid kit. She found the white box right where he said it'd be. For good measure, she also grabbed towels and a bottle of water to clean the wounds. As she grabbed her supplies, she heard a loud thump from the couch area. Immediately, she dropped what she had in her hands and sprinted towards the couch.

While Beckett was gathering the first aid supplies, Castle had been slowly trying to regain some dignity and go help her find what she needed. Sluggishly, he braced himself on the sofa and struggled clumsily to his feet. The minute he was upright, a wave of dizziness hit him and his vision darkened at the edges. He collapsed onto the couch, the darkness in his vision consuming him and taking him to the relative safety of oblivion.

"Lanie, it's me. I need your help."

Unable to wake Castle up after he collapsed onto the couch, Beckett frantically dialed the one person she knew could help. It took all her willpower to ask someone for a favor, something she rarely if ever did, but this was for Castle, and she would do what ever it took to help him.

"I'll be right over honey. Don't move him. Be there in 10."

Kate hung up the phone, glancing over at the sleeping form of Richard Castle. He looked so young, the worry lines absent from his boyish face. Kate wondered what she should do until Lanie got there. The detective in her searched for the cause of Castle's strange behavior. She was missing something; the pieces not totally falling in to place. She sighed, exasperated, and shook her head.

"What am I going to do with you?" she asked no one in particular.

"No…Beckett…no…" Castle moaned, shifting fitfully in his sleep. Beckett recoiled in surprise at his sudden outburst. He was dreaming about her…but why?

"Beckett, run…I can't let you die…Get away from the bomb, Kate…Run!" Castle struggled in his sleep, fear prominent in his handsome features. The nightmare had him in its firm grasp, keeping him in the realm of terror and helplessness. Kate rushed to his side, and laid a calming hand on his cheek.

"Shh. It's okay. Shh. It's only a dream, Rick."

At her touch and soothing words, Castle visibly relaxed, and turned his face subtly to press into her hand. Kate, although not used to physical contact, kept her palm there. It somehow felt right, like it belonged there.

When Lanie walked into Castle's apartment, she saw Castle lying on the couch with Beckett perched on its edge, hand calmly placed on his cheek. Kate turned at the sound of movement, and quickly withdrew her hand from Castle's cheek.

"Lanie! Thanks for coming. I just…I didn't know what to do."

"Girl, you know this is my area of expertise. But, my patients usually don't have a pulse," Lanie grinned, in an attempt to bring some humor into the situation. "Now, let me see the handsome patient."

Lanie crouched at Castle's side, filling the vacancy left by Beckett as she moved out of the doctor's way.

Lanie tsk-ed, "Hmm…what have we here," regarding the cuts littering Castle's arms and upper torso. She also noticed him visibly shaking, and how quickly his heart was beating.

"Nothing serious, good. So sweetie, why don't you go grab me some warm water, towels, and the first aid kit. I am going to fix him up now."

Beckett made no move to leave Castle's company.

"Kate, I need the first aid kit. Kate?"

"Sorry Lanie, I'm going, I'm going."

Beckett made her way into the kitchen and collected the items she previously dumped onto the floor. When she returned to the room, Lanie's brow was furrowed and she looked puzzled.

"What's wrong? Did something happen? Is he okay? Lanie!"

"Calm down sweetie, he is fine. I just think…well…"

"Yes? Lanie just tell me."

"Well I think he experienced an anxiety attack. All the signs point to it: the clammy skin, the collapse, the racing heart, and the tremors. In his state, it was no wonder he tripped and fell through the table. "

_A panic attack? Castle had a panic attack? That just isn't possible…_Beckett thought to herself.

"I am going to bandage his arms now, could you get him a clean shirt?"

"Yeah of course," Beckett mumbled, still in thought.

_Castle…panic attack? What could have caused it? Alexis…Martha…no they are at a play! Something at the precinct…Esposito…Ryan…no everything was fine with them when he left. Today…TODAY! THE BOMB!_

Halting halfway into Castle's room, Beckett turned on her heel and sprinted back to the crouching form of Lanie.

"I figured it out! He was having a panic attack about the bomb today!"

"Bomb, what bomb?!"

"No Lanie, there isn't a bomb anymore! Our case involved a bomb and today Castle and I…well…we almost died."

"Died? As in lying on my slab, died? And I am just now hearing about this?! Jeez Kate, you could have sent me a text at least!"

Kate looked down, embarrassed. She had forgotten to text her friend, all because she was out with Josh.

"I thought Esposito would have…"

Lanie held up her hand, halting the excuse.

"Baby girl, Esposito hasn't graced me with his presence since this morning. But don't worry, it's fine. I know that you're safe, and that's all that matters. Now shoo, go find a clean shirt for our patient!"

Smiling to herself, Beckett exited the room and went into Castle's bedroom.

_How many shirts does a guy need? _Beckett thought as she rummaged around his drawers, looking for a simple t-shirt.

When Beckett returned, Lanie had Castle's arms all bandaged up.

"Alright, let's get him out of this bloody mess of a shirt, and into a clean one. Hey, nice choice Kate. I knew you liked how he looked in blue…" said Lanie, as amusement glistened in her eyes.

"Shut up…" muttered Kate, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink at the accusation.

As Lanie held up Castle, Kate began to unbutton his light blue shirt. A smile graced her lips, as his toned chest came into view. _He was so…chiseled…_ Shaking her head to clear the thoughts away, she resumed her task. As she peeled the shirt from his broad shoulders, a groan escaped his lips. Instantly, both women realized he was returning back to consciousness.

A feeble, "Beckett…" shattered the silence of the loft.

"Castle. Hey, Castle can you hear me?" Beckett let some of her concern slide in to her voice. A mumbled reply was all she got in return. Castle's body went limp; slipping back into unconsciousness.

"Slowly, Kate, we don't want him to wake back up. Not yet."

Methodically, Beckett pulled his tattered dress shirt from his wrists and threw it in a heap on the floor. Taking the blue t-shirt, she slipped it over his head, and with Lanie's help pulled it down to cover his torso and arms.

"Come on, hun. Let's get him to his room."

Each woman slung an arm over their shoulders, supporting Castle's full weight between them. Beckett grunted with the added weight as they made their way towards Castle's room.

Painstakingly, they managed to carry him all the way to his bed before depositing him on the satin sheets.

"Well, I'm sure that this was not how you pictured taking Castle to bed, huh?"

Beckett laughed quietly at the gibe, but let it slide. She knew Lanie was right.

"I don't think he should be alone tonight. Is there someone you can call for him?"

Lanie's question took Kate by surprise. Beckett realized she didn't know how to get ahold of Martha or Alexis since they were still at the theater, and didn't know of anyone else she could call.

"I guess I could stay with him…until Alexis and Martha get back from their night out."

Lanie's face broke out into a suggestive grin.

"No funny business now, Detective Beckett. He needs his rest and needs to sleep. Just not with you at the moment..." Her eyebrows waggled with the implications of her last statement.

Kate chose to ignore the comment, rolling her eyes at her best friend.

"Come on, I'll show you out Lanie."

Beckett closed the door and locked it. She leaned against it wearily, knowing full well her night was not even close to over yet.

Making her way into the kitchen, she looked around for the coffee beans. Beckett needed some caffeine and soon if she was on babysitting duty all night. Finding some Italian Roast, she put in a full pot's worth. After pressing the Start button, she made her back in to Castle's room.

Castle looked anything but peaceful in his sleep. His brow was mated with sweat, and lines creased his forehead, as whatever he was dreaming disturbed him. He tossed and turned fitfully seemingly trying to escape some impending doom. His hands grabbed a fistful of sheets, holding on to them for dear life.

Kate looked on in saddened silence. She couldn't bear to see him like this, so vulnerable, so in pain. His white bandages stuck out starkly against his navy shirt. Pulling a chair over, Kate sat down heavily, waiting for the heavenly coffee to be ready. She reached out towards one of Castle's hands, uncurling his clenched fist and taking his hand in hers. At her touch, the tension in his body visibly softened. He let out a small sigh of contentment, and relaxed in to a peaceful slumber. The last thing she remembered as she fell asleep was the coffee pot beeping, and the comforting feel of Caste's hand in hers.

Alexis unlocked the door, laughing along with Grams at remembering a funny part in the play. As the door swung open, Alexis furrowed her brow. First confusion, then panic grabbed hold of her as she surveyed the living room. It looked as if a struggle had taken place. A wine bottle lay smashed on the floor, its contents staining the new white carpet. Some chairs were overturned, and the coffee table was shattered beyond repair.

Martha pushed her way in to the room, observing every little thing that was out of place.

"Richard?"

No reply.

"Dad!"

Alexis's fear was palpable in her strangled cry. She rushed in to his study, eyes frantically searching for her father. Not finding him, she whirled around and hurried back in to the living room.

Grams was standing over in the kitchen, looking down curiously at the full pot of coffee.

"Grams what is it?" Alexis asked hurriedly.

"Someone has made some coffee. Maybe Detective Beckett is here…" Grams trailed off in thought.

Hand in hand, they made their way towards Castle's bedroom. Peeking around the door, they both let out sighs of relief.

Castle lay asleep on the bed, forearms covered in stark white bandages and his usually pristine hair was terribly disheveled. Kate Beckett was sound asleep as well, in a chair pulled up close to his bed. The pair's hands lay outstretched towards each other, fingers intertwined casually. The sight made Alexis and Martha smile.

Quietly shutting the door, they walked back towards the kitchen, leaving the third member of the Castle family in the capable hands of Detective Beckett. Grabbing two mugs, they poured themselves some coffee. They would need the caffeine to clean up the mess in the living room.


End file.
